Democracy, FCC-Style

In this post below, I quoted humorist Dave Barry as saying that "a few people who are ticked off or crazy" can determine what millions of others are allowed to see and read. And he was dead serious for a change.

To see how it works, read this stunning little exposé by BuzzMachine's Jeff Jarvis. It documents how the Federal Communications Commission imposed a record $1.2 million fine, and sent a chill down all broadcasters' spines, after receiving complaints about a national TV program from...23 viewers. That's right. Just 23. And of those, only three were 'unique.' The other 20 came in through a web-based complaint factory set up by a gaggle of meddlesome housewives. Chew on that: Three — or maybe 23 — people ultimately made sure that no one in America can watch what they don't like.

To be fair, no one's saying that the FCC has an easy job. Keep in mind that the commissioners must be ever vigilant against wardrobe malfunctions and wayward hemlines. Day in day out, these brave men sit in a darkened viewing room, carefully weighing the permissibility of certain female curves. One wonders how they get all that heavy breathing viewing done with an annual budget of just $281 million.

Thankfully, Chairman Comstock Powell is up to the task. In the latest sign of his laser-like focus on what's crucial to our nation's well-being, his commission has asked NBC for a tape with the opening ceremony of the Summer Olympics in Athens. According to Mediaweek, which carried the story on Friday, the broadcast included "actors and actresses depicting two lovers dancing in the sea, a goddess of fertility and a pregnant woman whose belly glowed." I imagine that such unhinged manifestations of Greekness may well have scarred American children for life. How encouraging that Mr. Powell is willing to reassure the poor fragile darlings that if anything on network TV ever makes them the least bit uncomfortable, our government is ready to fine it out of existence.

But seriously: It seems obvious that the nannying ninnies of nincompoopism (take that, William Safire) need a little civics lesson. They might start here. For the rest of you lot, there's some good FCC satire to be had if you step right this way.