Your Very Own Ridge-O-Meter

It's true! You, too, can check the terror alert level any time you choose, in the privacy of your own home. Your set-it-and-forget-it Ridge-O-Meter is capable of displaying not three, not four, but all five terror advisory colors. (You'll need just yellow and orange, but we'll give you the whole collection all the same — at no extra charge!) This incredible offer won't last, and it's yours for just one low, low payment. Operators and paranoia specialists are standing by. Order now!