Few things are sadder than German porn with the original soundtrack. No offense to my Teutonic brethren, but the German language is almost comically unsuitable for instigating sexual arousal. For instance, the German word for nipple is Brustwarze — literally, 'breast wart.' Let's face it: No amount of Viagra can overcome the erectile dysfunction induced by the unappealing sound of the word, and the even unlovelier image it conveys.
For German porn without the linguistic distraction, we should perhaps consider the purely visual delight of a stone-age man and a stone-age woman making whopee. 7,000-year-old figurines that were apparently carved for titillation have just been unearthed near Stuttgart, reports the Guardian:
Stone-age figurines depicting what could be the oldest pornographic scene in the world have been unearthed in Germany. Archaeologists have discovered what they believe to be the 7,200-year-old remnants of a man having intercourse with a woman. The extraordinary find, at an archaeological dig in Saxony, shatters the belief that sex was a taboo subject in that era. Until now, the oldest representations of sexual scenes were frescos from about 2,000 years ago.
Alas, the article isn't accompanied by a picture — but if the brain is
really the biggest sex organ, your imagination might prove even more
stimulating than the real thing. Viel Vergnügen!
Comments