Help Fight the Smoking Nannies

I could use your help.

I'm not personally an aficionado of tobacco products, but I'm going to become a smoker. That is, I'm going to appear with a lit cigarette in places where it's not allowed. In my own car when driving in Bangor with my kids in the back seat. On the ski slopes of Maine's Black Mountain. In an outhouse in a state park. On a beach in Hawaii. When I visit Belmont, California (where smoking is prohibited literally everywhere except in a single-family detached house) and other such towns.

I'm going to be puffing away, and I invite you to join me.

It's not civil disobedience per se — I'm not asking you to break the law. That's because I propose we use these. Here's the product description:

Looks exactly like a burning cigarette complete with scorch marks and ashes. Blow into the end and a puff of smoke appears. You can really fool people with this powder-filled device.

The goal is to clog the system with cases that are impossible to prosecute as no offense has been committed. At the very least, we'll piss off and confuse the nannies who think it's their god-given right to tell you to stop smoking in your own backyard, your own apartment, your own car (even if it is, like mine, a convertible that is driven with the top down whenever the weather allows), or anywhere in the great outdoors.

I got the idea here, and I'm happy to spread it. If you have a blog or some other soapbox, please pass it on. I'll even pay for the fake cigarettes. Seriously. Blog about this initiative, or get a letter out to your local paper, then send me a weblink or the clipping. In return, I will send the first twenty respondents up to ten fake cigarettes each, no charge. (The idea is that you keep one or two for yourself and hand out the rest to other liberty-loving provocateurs.)

Please help me get the word out — and have fun out there!

Comments

[Windypundit]

If this catches on, I'm sure they will add simulated smoking to the statute: "...using an object intended to simulate a cigarette, cigar, pipe, or other device typically used for consuming smoked tobacco products in such a way as to create in others a reasonable fear of a health injury due to passive inhalation of tobacco smoke..."

[Jozef]

Don't know whether you need to go that far. I've been "caught smoking" a few times when I was sucking on stick cinamon. That's more tasty and more harmless (no attempt at deception) than your option ;)

[jSpin]

Hey, could we use the same tactic with realistic toy pistols in leg holsters!? No, wait: they will pass a law making it illegal for adults to carry toy pistols... Never mind...

[housewife]

Ya know what, I totally resent you for this. It took me FOUR DAYS of interviewing women to raise my child. Please treat her with the respect she deserves.

Hold on a second.

[screeching - Andreeeeaaaahhhhh, can you shut that kid up? I'm trying to meditate here]

Sorry, I'm back.

Now listen. My children are smoke free as were their surrogates (I didn't want strech marks) so I've instructed the nanny that if there is ANY SMOKE whatsoever she is to first call 911 and have you promptly arrested and secondly (only if the police aren't VeryCloseBy) she should suck all the smoke up herself and then exhale it in the direction opposite of my genetically enhanced offspring.

Immediately thereafter she's gonna jump into the Hummer with the kids and bring them straight home to watch me and my Pilates instructor.

Now, you should be very afraid.

My nanny is gonna show you!