Did you know that doing fun stuff can be banned without any legislative or judicial action at all? The same federal entity that couldn't build and maintain levees strong enough to save New Orleans is now demonstrating its commitment to [cough] safety by singlehandedly outlawing summer fun in several states:
Sarah Bonham and her friends have jumped off 40-foot-high sandstone cliffs into Summersville Lake countless times during camping trips and church youth functions. To many teenagers, it’s a summertime rite as common as tanning and fishing. As of Friday, it’s no longer legal. The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers announced the diving ban from cliffs at 19 lakes in Southern West Virginia and surrounding states. "I think it’s disappointing," said Bonham, 19, of Cross Lanes. "People can get hurt by anything. As long as you’re smart about it and you’re a strong swimmer and use common sense, it should be OK."
Not to be outdone,
Many of the beach towns on Long Beach Island, one of New Jersey's most popular summer vacation spots, have laws prohibiting people from digging deeper than 12 inches in the sand. They stem from an accident several years ago in which a teenager died when a deep hole he was digging collapsed, burying him.
A fine start. Now let's get rid of other beach hazards too. I mean, people can drown in the sea if they're not careful. It ought to be against the law to swim in water deeper than 12 inches. That's just common sense.
How can we make our beaches even safer? By electing more legislators brave enough to put their foot down on bird shit. OK, well, you know what I mean. Take this New Jersey town:
Ocean City passed a law in January prohibiting the feeding of seagulls from beaches or other public property. Officials say they acted to prevent bird droppings from contaminating waterways and spreading disease.
Brilliant! Everyone knows that if you don't feed birds, they can't possibly find their own food, so in no time they'll stop pooping — and our recreational waters will be safe again.
This is what I'm talking about, folks. Ideas! Innovation! Leadership! Let's keep the momentum going.
What's that, Wildwood, NJ? You've got a law making it illegal to stand under the boardwalk looking up as people walk overhead? Thank you for your upskirts-thwarting foresight.
And your beach policy, Brigantine town, which outlaws "boisterous" behavior and "loud cries" — I commend you (but very calmly and quietly, of course).
As for you, Long Branch, your prohibition on parking a baby carriage on the sand within 15 feet of a beach entrance — may I just say, that's fantast—. OK, maybe that one needs a little work.
"I can't fathom what the thought process was behind that one," said Mayor Adam Schneider, who did not know the law existed until a reporter questioned him on it.
We generally agree on most things but in this case I have to defend the city officials that outlawed feeding seagulls on city property. I've lived on one coast or the other most of my life and I hate people that feed seagulls because the damn birds will congegrate where they are fed. Not a few birds or in some cases not even a few hundred but literally thousands of the damn things. After a few feedings the whole area will be covered in bird poop. Every house, every car and every inch of sidewalk. While it's true that they will find food and they aren't going away if people ignore them they aren't a problem. There is plenty of bird poop but it's just an annoyance that comes with living at the beach. Start feeding them and there will be 10,000 of them in your and your neighbors yards everyday and you can't clean the poop up fast enough.
If you live at the beach and want to get to know the neighbors start feeding the seagulls, the neighbors will drop around for a friendly chat pretty quickly.
Posted by: Dave | Tuesday, May 29, 2007 at 10:54 AM