"Go, Balls, Go!": Cops and Social Workers to Become Fixtures in UK Schools

O, brave new world
That has such people as Ed Balls in 't!

The Times of London's headline on this story is "Schools Will Have to Make Room For Social Workers and the Police." Such measures are necessary to ensure both "kindliness" and "happiness," as you'll discover.

Schools will be expected to offer parenting advice, mental health clinics and youth offending workers under one roof, as part of proposals outlined today in the Government’s flagship Children’s Plan.

The plan is also likely to lead to school-based speech and language therapists, social workers and children’s health care as well as help with housing and benefits. It could also lead to police officers being permanently stationed in schools to provide positive role models and prevent antisocial behaviour.

Ed Balls, the Children’s Secretary, said yesterday that the ideal school of the 21st century would become a vital resource for the whole community, contributing to all aspects of children’s lives, not just their education.

Elsewhere in the newspaper, we learn from a fawning Libby Purves, a Times columnist, that Mr. Balls is also busy investigating the effects of advertising on young Britons, seen as a first move toward

level[ing] the playing field in the perennial contest between human kindliness and relentless consumerism.

So, where previous generations of citizens might have believed it was the government's job to build roads and bridges and to look after national defense and to combat crime, Ms. Purves has come to the blinding insight that actually, it's the government's responsibility to stop young people from wanting things, thereby promoting kindliness.

In fact, it occurs to Ms. Purves that if Mr. Balls does his job, he is really Britain's

minister for happiness: as the children might say, how awesome is that?

No irony or sarcasm is intended, as far as I can tell. Ms. Purves cheers the Child Secretary on with a hearty

Go, Balls, go!

That's a moving show of support for the Secretary's manly and testicularly, um, spunky proposals — though, dare I say it, it's also a slightly yobbish expression that, when uttered by mouths less upper-middle class than Ms. Purves's, might get one in a spot of trouble in today's Britain.

Comments

[JOHN]

Growing up in the UK and now living in the USA I am aware of who Libby Purves is, she was a regular on BBC Radio 4, at least when I was in the UK. Knowing her personality from listening to her on the radio its by no means certain she wasn't laying on the irony and sarcasm here.

[Rogier]

JOHN:

I re-read the Purves piece (did you read it? I provided a link in my post!) looking for signs of irony or sarcasm with a flashlight -- no luck. Please point out to me where she is being faecetious.

This is the same Libby Purves, after all, who supports the police routinely stopping kids, especially BLACK kids, to frisk these youths for weapons, no reasonable suspicion or probable cause needed. See http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/libby_purves/article2719454.ece

[Token]

All I could think was, "Chopper - sic Balls!"