Let Kids Be Kids Precious Snowflakes

In England,

[H]alf of children aged 7 to 12 years are not allowed to climb a tree without adult supervision, and 42 per cent are not allowed to play in their local park without an adult present.

The numbers are probably no more encouraging here in the U.S.

But parents are not the only ones to blame for the "cotton-wool kids" phenomenon. Spike's Helene Guldberg sees

...a broader cultural obsession with risk, which has had a major impact upon policymakers, public institutions and media debate, as well as upon teachers and parents. ...

The root of the problem is not [pre-existing] parental fears but the fact that parents are continually discouraged from entrusting their children to other adults. In the UK, it is a crime to work with children without first being vetted by the authorities. The Safeguarding Vulnerable Groups Act, which was passed into law in England and Wales in 2006, requires that millions of adults whose work involves coming into contact with children must undergo Criminal Records Bureau checks. The message this gives to parents and children is to be suspicious of any adult who comes into contact with young people.

Also, it is almost impossible in Britain today to take photos of one’s children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews in public places if they are surrounded by other children. The rules governing the use of cameras and camera-phones in swimming pools, parks, at children’s parties, pantomimes, school sports days and any other place where children might be present are ubiquitous, and strictly enforced. The kind of photos that have traditionally appeared in many a family album are now treated as being akin to potential child pornography. ...

Ultimately parents will only give children the independence they need if they have sufficient trust in other adults — trust in them not to harm their children, but to look out for them. When we grew up our parents assumed that if we got into trouble, other adults — often strangers — would help out. Today that trust does not exist — or, at least, it has been seriously damaged by government policy, media debate and a rising culture of suspicion towards adults' motives.

A good decade ago, I carried around an idea for a non-fiction book for a while, with the working title Scaredy Cats. It would explore the fact that Americans like to think of themselves as rugged, devil-may-care, bring-it-on individualists, though actually, the climate of fear and gutlessness had by then already established itself (9/11 only exacerbated it with a whole new range of bogeymen). Most of my compatriots, it seemed to me, resembled frightened kittens more than roaring lions.

I vividly remember talking with a Dutch acquaintance who lived in a leafy, prosperous town in New York state, back in around 1997, who complained that his kids rarely got the opportunity to play outside with other children because all the neighbors kept their offspring inside four walls — for safety's sake. He then relayed how one of those neighbors had recently received a parcel with no return address, and had called the police to come open it. The box turned out to contain a raincoat that the man had accidentally left in a hotel a week earlier; the concierge had graciously decided to mail it but apparently forgot to write a sender's address on the package.

That started it. Within 18 months, I had a thick folder of clippings and scrawled anecdotes along those very same lines.

I never did write the book because other work kept me busy, and soon after 9/11, the term "culture of fear" became almost a clichéd notion. Besides, a book telling my fellow Americans that they'd become a nation of spineless pussies, afraid of their own shadows, did not seem like a shoo-in for the New York Times bestseller list.

Anyway, there's hardly anything new in what Guldberg says, and yet I appreciate her saying it — some things bear repeating. And thankfully, those fighting back against treating children like precious snowflakes seem to be reaching critical mass. The runaway success of Conn and Hal Iggulden's The Dangerous Book for Boys, Richard Louv's Last Child in the Woods, and Lenore Skenazy's Free Range Kids blog is heartening. So is is the warm reception given to Britain's annual Playday, a nation-wide event aimed at shattering the "cotton-wool kids" culture.

The issue is definitely on our respective national radar screens — and there it should remain until our inner felines have finally grown back some lionly courage.

Comments

[sylvia]

I always gave my son a lot of freedom. I had more people in my face in the US than in the UK. I had more people in my face in Germany than in the US.

I had a lot of people quietly accepting that kids could leave the house on their own (and that an adult could interact directly with a child without being accused of being a pedophile, which is an important side effect!) here in Spain.

[severin]

You may like the newest episode of Penn and Tellers bullshit, it is about "stranger danger" and is about this over protectiveness that people have about children in the US.

[Marc J. Randazza]

I love the book idea. If you want a co-author, I'd love to work on it with you!

"Land of the scared, home of the mewling cowards."

[Russ]

Besides, a book telling my fellow Americans that they'd become a nation of spineless pussies, afraid of their own shadows, did not seem like a shoo-in for the New York Times bestseller list.

Well that's a real chicken-shit attitude.

[Rogier]

Russ:

Really? More like a smart decision about how I wouldn't like to spend three years on a book that's going to sell 17 copies (or even 1700). I don't THINK my writing (such as this blog) distinguishes itself by my so-called "chicken-shit attitude," but if you prefer, say, bull excrement, there's no dearth of other blogs that'll serve it up gladly and continuously. ;-)

[Russ]

Rogier,

Just sarcastically pointing out the ironic risk-aversion that I found amusing.

I thought you could laugh at yourself, must've caught you on a bad day.