What's most remarkable about this account of teen drinking in Washington, Ill., is hardly the age of the revelers. Rather, it's the following five fucking follies that, taken together, constitute a full-on trip down the rabbit hole:
1. "[Police chief] Kuchenbecker said all the teens inside the home were younger than age 21." Holy bat turd — teens who are younger than 21! That is serious!
2. When the teenagers refused to let in the police officers who'd been knocking on the door, the cops obtained a search warrant in about half an hour, if that. May I ask: What kind of asshat judge signs off on armed police officers behaving like stormtroopers and busting open multiple locked doors in a private residence because some 16-to-19-year olds were spotted inside, having a drink? Or does the Washington police department happen to have a nice stack of rubber-stamped, pre-signed, fill-in-the-blanks search warrants at the ready?
3. At least two of the 15 teens nabbed by the police had not been drinking alcohol. The sober ones were charged anyway — with "patronizing a disorderly house." I shit you not. If that's a crime, make sure you never set foot in my home.
4. The party-hearty teens aged 17 and older "can be charged as adults." You see, they're not allowed to drink alcohol yet because...all together now...they're not adults. But if they do drink, hell yeah, let's charge them as adults. Which they're not. Watch the law chase its own tail. Funny. No wait, that other word. Sad. Yeah, that's it.
5. Police chief Jim Kuchenbecker maintains that all this law-enforcement excess is necessary because "Our kids are so important." I'll give him the benefit of the doubt, and surmise that he doesn't even begin to understand the giant unadulterated douchiness that stinks up that statement.
Roger: on this issue, I have nothing whatsoever to disagree with you about. After our scuffles on Mumbai and tabloidism I thought I should mention that! The American puritanism over alcohol is bizarre and destructive.
Posted by: McDuff | Wednesday, December 10, 2008 at 09:43 AM
Not his first "big bust" either. This guy is a real Eliot Ness (http://www.mysuburbanlife.com/batavia/archive/x1375682286). Another article on the previous party says it "was advertised as having gelatin and pudding wrestling." Mmmm....teen girls and pudding wrestling, now, you don't think the cops were hoping for repeat do ya? Might explain how they got that search warrant so fast.
Posted by: hermesten | Wednesday, December 10, 2008 at 04:55 PM
What? They didn't find all the naked pics of girls on their cell phones? In some states, they would be "sex offenders" if they did have nude pics of teen girls.
Posted by: George Arndt | Thursday, December 11, 2008 at 03:55 PM
"In some states, they would be "sex offenders" if they did have nude pics of teen girls."
It might of been here that I read about an underage girl being charged with child porn for having photos of HERSELF nude.
Posted by: hermesten | Monday, December 15, 2008 at 04:43 PM