Four out of ten Americans believe that Jesus will walk the earth again by 2050.
To pad my future retirement income, I'm making an offer that these prayerful U.S. Christians shouldn't want to pass up. Here it is: I will give the first believer who steps forward all my savings and earthly belongings, and I'll convert to Christianity, if Jesus returns in the next 40 years.
If the Son of God is still AWOL by 2050, however, you'll owe me or my heirs $25,000 (in 2050, that'll probably be just enough to buy a movie ticket or a latte — but not, I shudder to think, both).
If I lose, I will also make it my mission to tear every page out of every copy of Richard Dawkins' and Charles Darwin's books — with my teeth. If you lose, all you have to is include with your $25K check one measly letter in which you apologize for wasting so much of your life talking to sky ghosts, denying equal treatment to same-sex couples, and perpetrating other bits of silliness that you always knew in your heart would piss the historical Jesus off big-time.
How can you refuse? If you have faith — real faith — you can only win. Just think of it as a divine test. Get your application in soonest, as I'm sure many of your brethren will already be beating a path to my door.